I Love You Like My Toaster

By United States Marine Corps photographer [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

I love you like my toaster

that toasts my bread

and makes me toast.

I'd put butter on you like bread

like I said

like my toasted bread and berries.

I want you to see my cock and balls,

my dick and balls,

my favorite bait and tackle.

I want to be inside your liver

and help carry away waste like a filter

to help you digest what you've eaten.

I want to be your favorite soap opera on TV,

I want to be your remote control.

I want to go into your hair follicles

and make your hair thick and wavy.

Don't you like it like that?

I want to rub it and have you rub it

all over the cantaloupe.

I can see it now.

Facebook Argument

Shut up, bitch!

Listen, don't use that language.

What? English?

Don't use the B-word.

You're the one who called me a dick. Don't turn this around on me, bitch!

Facebook arguments gone wrong.

It is a heavy burden
but not a heavy turban
unless you're related
to Keith Urban
then you need
a plastic surgeon

or cosmetic surgery
cosmetic application.
Pimples on your facial
feature films in syndication.

Badly needing tumors,
rumors circulate the airways
passage from halitosis
like Moses on the stairways.

Unclog your silly sink.
Unclog your silly sink.
Mimic Minnie Mouse,
now try that on in pink.

Try that on in pink.

Facebook Message to my Girlfriend

http://www.flickr.com/photos/evilmutent/

I had been considering
 this topic for awhile,

 been jotting down notes,

 then today wrote it down on the spot.

In the middle of doing all that,
I found a very hilarious video

that I included at the end of the article,

plus I posted the video

 to my wall here on fb.

Anyway,

hopefully I have written enough here,
 in this here message,
 to the point
that you will not see
 my previous message
 which I wrote

 when I had temporarily blacked out

 for about 20 minutes

and woke up
not knowing how

I ended up naked and doing a head stand in front of the......

wait a minute,

I am going to have write a very long message
to cover up that last message...

it will have to be super-duper long and detailed and not too padded
because it is never really right to pad writing whether you are writing a term paper in college,

a web article,

or just messaging a friend;

it is totally wrong to do that,
to do that,
to do-do-do-do that!
Yeah! Yes! Alright! Get down! Wooooooooooooooo! Okay, here's the article.